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you're too young & eager to love

a liturgy

And I pray one prayer—I repeat it till my tongue stiffens—may you not rest as long as I am living! You said I killed you—haunt me, then! Be with me always—take any form—drive me mad! Only do not leave me in this abyss where I cannot find you.

February 2024

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March 4th, 2013

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half-savage & hardy & free

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Take this, Dad! I feel validated. And … somewhat sad by this possible explanation. I think that's a catch 22.


"It turns out procrastination is not typically a function of laziness, apathy or work ethic as it is often regarded to be. It’s a neurotic self-defense behavior that develops to protect a person’s sense of self-worth.

You see, procrastinators tend to be people who have, for whatever reason, developed to perceive an unusually strong association between their performance and their value as a person. This makes failure or criticism disproportionately painful, which leads naturally to hesitancy when it comes to the prospect of doing anything that reflects their ability — which is pretty much everything.

But in real life, you can’t avoid doing things. We have to earn a living, do our taxes, have difficult conversations sometimes. Human life requires confronting uncertainty and risk, so pressure mounts. Procrastination gives a person a temporary hit of relief from this pressure of “having to do” things, which is a self-rewarding behavior. So it continues and becomes the normal way to respond to these pressures.

Particularly prone to serious procrastination problems are children who grew up with unusually high expectations placed on them. Their older siblings may have been high achievers, leaving big shoes to fill, or their parents may have had neurotic and inhuman expectations of their own, or else they exhibited exceptional talents early on, and thereafter “average” performances were met with concern and suspicion from parents and teachers."

- DAVID CAIN, “PROCRASTINATION IS NOT LAZINESS”
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half-savage & hardy & free

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Two updates in one evening! And none of them have to do with any of my creative writing attempts.

We're discussing liminal and marginal spaces and the subaltern woman in my "savagery and civilization" seminar. I went off a brief tangent about The Crucible. Seriously, my love for this play and the movie version is absurd.

"You are dragging down heaven and raising up a whore!"

Oh, John Proctor. How I love thee and your lines.