impertinences: (Default)
you're too young & eager to love

a liturgy

And I pray one prayer—I repeat it till my tongue stiffens—may you not rest as long as I am living! You said I killed you—haunt me, then! Be with me always—take any form—drive me mad! Only do not leave me in this abyss where I cannot find you.

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If all else perished ...

... and he remained, I should still continue to be; and if all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger.

Posts Tagged: 'fic:+recs'

May. 22nd, 2013

impertinences: (warm in my heart)
impertinences: (warm in my heart)

half-savage & hardy & free

impertinences: (warm in my heart)
Post-apocalypse, AU-set Hannibal and Will Graham? Why not?

I'm a sucker for broken characters and … cannibals? Sure, we'll go with that. I was hesitant and initially unconvinced by the casting of Mads Mikkelsen as Hannibal, but I came around. He has the definite element of elegance, class, and reserved psychopathic-ness. The show was my first introduction to Hugh Dancy. What a cutie. He plays tragicness well. For some reason, I'm reminded of Anthony Perkins.

-


At a gas station outside Raleigh, Will siphons gas because Hannibal hates the taste. He waits until the sun-warmed fluid kicks up into his mouth and, gagging and spitting, he transfers the tube to their can. Hannibal’s shadow laps against him like water: the parts of Will that are darkened by him are the parts that are coolest and most at ease.

He pinches the tube shut with thumb and forefinger. His mouth still tastes foul and he wants to scrape his tongue against the asphalt until it is scoured clean, but he ignores that urge, as he’s been ignoring more and more of them lately.

“He had almost a full tank. If we can find another container—”

Hannibal nods and disappears. The lines and planes of his body are as straight as road-lines and power-lines, though of those three things, only Hannibal’s lines are still relevant and suggestive of order.

Will waits, crouched with the July sun against his neck. He scratches his fingers along the surface of his tongue, but his fingernails are grimy and bloody, bitten down past the quick, and it doesn’t improve the taste in his mouth so much as it alters it. When Hannibal comes out of the mosquito- and fly-spotted glass doors, the shape of his mouth changes, and he says, mildly, “That isn’t for the best.”

He sets the red plastic jug, its mouth darkened from use and dirt, down beside Will. Will drags out the rest of the gas and lets Hannibal give him a tube of toothpaste, a bottle of lukewarm water, and—a decent find—a blue plastic toothbrush. Will brushes and rinses there, still eye-level with the gas tank, but he walks up and wanders over to a grassy strip to spit: Hannibal is particular. His mouthful of watery foam lands against a used condom and a Hershey bar wrapper.

He licks ersatz mint away from his lips.

“Where do you want to go?”

Hannibal squints even underneath his plastic sunglasses, as though he refuses to believe that anything so tacky could take full effect. “Wherever you like.”

“Did you get Dramamine? Aspirin?”

Hannibal touches his shirt pocket. The shirt is white linen, with French cuffs, so purely clean, even now, that it looks like a star.

“Louisiana,” Will says. His head hurts from the sun and the smell and taste of the gasoline. “We can take a boat out—I can fish.” The ocean in his head is free of bodies and almost azure, and as warm as blood. He converts the long lines of Hannibal’s body to a swimmer’s movements, hands knives to cut through the water, feet paddles churning froth. He will hold his own head beneath the surface until the salt stings his eyes.

“I have always been fond of coastlines,” Hannibal says.

“Do you fish?”

“You can teach me.”

Will’s lips pull, as if on hooks themselves. If Hannibal were a lure, he would be irresistible, and well beyond Will’s minor craftsmanship. “You’ll have to cook.”

“I would enjoy that.”

Will rubs at a spot of rust beside the abandoned car’s wheel well. He thinks of suggesting that they wash Hannibal’s car—he still does not see it as even partly his—because they have time and because Hannibal would like it. He looks at the dust on his own skin and, more faintly, on Hannibal’s, and decides that should take precedence. The station will have soap and jugged water even if its tanks are already empty and its taps open on air: he can pour for Hannibal and Hannibal can pour for him. If there’s anything left over in the hoses, though, they should splash the car off as best as they can, or else he should—

The blood spray against his face at first is like the early burst from a showerhead, as though he has fallen deeply down his own rabbit hole.

The pendulum throws itself automatically across his field of vision and he sees the man coming at him from just the corner of his eye; then he is the man coming at him.

(He lunges toward the smaller of the two men not only because he is the one who siphoned the gas but because, with the sideways and crooked cant of his body, with his disconnected stare, he seems more frightening. He will not let what he has be taken away from him. He will drive his knife into this stranger’s temple from the side, avoiding direct contact with any blood and preserving his clothing. He has killed enough people to think of this. The other man is a businessman or something similar and will not be an immediate threat. He should die as well: he took from the store and he is, besides, a trespasser.

He will throw and then recover the knife, and burn the bodies with the gasoline they themselves siphoned. The fire will be a warning to any outsiders to stay away. The bodies will be meat. This is his design.)

Hannibal, though, steps forward and, with a knife Will is not familiar with, unzips the man’s throat as neatly as a butcher draining a pig.

The man claps a hand up there and it actually does make a wet smacking sound, like muffled applause, and then he drops to his knees and dies.

Will’s breath feels like a train inside his chest.

“You are uninjured,” Hannibal says. He is telling, not asking. His sunglasses have fallen to the ground.

His eyes are pale, but this is the first time Will has thought of them as being almost drained of color. Behind them is someone he has known for a long time.

“You need to bathe,” Hannibal says. “The sinks may still have water in them. It’s unlikely, if this man has been living in the area, but it is possible. You should check.”

His voice is like cotton batting. The knife is still in his hand, the sharp edge turned towards the body at his feet.

Will understands the choice he is being offered and understands, further, that it is not a choice Hannibal has ever offered anyone else. He goes inside and does not look back through the doors.

He finds a shower in an employee restroom, as dark inside as a closet or a cocoon, and he stands in it for a long time even though the tanks are as empty as Hannibal predicted. He shakes and skids his hands across the smooth plastic walls. He waits half an hour there, finally sitting, his heels against the cool metal of the drain. After a long time, he goes and gets water. The largest containers are missing, their old places on the shelves rectangles free of dust, but the disused cooler has spoiled hamburger and Evian. Will doesn’t unwrap new soap but uses the hardened yellow sliver from the shower. It produces a thin and quickly graying lather. He pours more water across his chest and watches what is left swirl down the drain.

His hair is crinkly with the dried soap. He teases out bits of it, like confetti.

When he comes out again into the bright and unforgiving sunlight, he sees that there is a spot of blood just outside the corner of Hannibal’s mouth.

The body is gone.

“He thought we were stealing,” Will says. “We were stealing.”

“The circumstances demanded action,” Hannibal says.

“What did you do with him?”

Hannibal looks at him. His expression seems painted, unchangeable. “You have suspected for weeks, Will,” he says. “Is knowing so different? And when it comes to it, what do you know that retains its meaning, now?”

He tears more soap shreds from his hair. “Did you kill Alana?”

“No. Nor would I have. That was barbaric.”

Will thinks about power-lines that are no longer straight and longer function. He looks at the blood just above Hannibal’s upper lip. There is only spray and spatter on his shirt, from the initial cut, so he must have removed it for the rest of the work. Will studies red on white. He stole that shirt for Hannibal from a townhouse in Richmond while Hannibal was downstairs turning a rabbit in the fireplace on an improvised spit. Grease had hissed against the flames and Will had heard that. He had watched the firelight throw shadows across Hannibal’s face and had wanted to give him something; he had opened wardrobes and pored through them by flashlight and moonlight until he’d found something worthy.

There is so little left that Will loves.

He goes and gets in the passenger seat of the car. After a moment, Hannibal joins him and hands him one blister pack of aspirin and one of Dramamine.

Will dry-swallows both. “Do you know the way?” Without waiting for an answer, he closes his eyes and leans his head against the thin metal pane, which is flat and almost scalding hot. He waits to see if he will smell his skin burn and he waits to see what Hannibal will do about that. Wind from the open window whips around his face and steals away all sound.

They drive south.

Sep. 26th, 2011

impertinences: (I held you like a lover)
impertinences: (I held you like a lover)

so yours for the taking

impertinences: (I held you like a lover)
Again, too lazy for a cut.

The second piece is not mine. It's posted more as a rec for me, because it's short and yet explains a lot about Buffy and Spike's relationship in so few words.

In response to a dangling carrot – Spike and Drusilla! With appearances from Angelus and Darla.

Notes: This stems from how, despite the fact that it’s always Spike taking care of Drusilla and catering to her, she seems to noticeably brighten whenever Angelus is about. She responds to him more, and in a different manner. I also think these four, in their travels and decades together, probably spent the whole time: fighting, fucking, and killing. Angelus pretty much gets whatever he wants, you know?

Also, Darla was a prostitute who was dying from syphilis before she was turned into a vampire. I thought I needed to point this detail out, because the whore reference seems unnecessarily harsh otherwise.


-



Angelus has eyes that are hard and flat and full of demon. Drusilla croons beneath them, delighting inside her pale skin whenever he looks at her, to stroke her heavy hair and murmur into her ear. Not that he is good at being quiet, inherently distrusting silence, but Spike hears the monster roaring inside of his chest. Hears the words he slips like bloodied honey into the woman’s ear, making her thrill, making her come alive again.

It’s difficult with them sometimes. Darla and her cunning eyes, staring at him as though he’s just a lost lamb, something Drusilla brought home to eventually die within the walls. There’s no dying for him now, and his grandsire scoffs, calls him young and foolish. Angelus and his possessive need to control everything, to have everything. Spike feels like rebelling, smoking a cigarette down to the filter, hunger gnawing at his stomach and up into his throat.

Angelus slips his large hand behind dark curls, cuts his eyes in a suggestive manner that lacks all subtlety. “Now that she’s all ready for you, William.” He taunts, working at the black pearl buttons of Drusilla’s gown, letting her pirouette beneath his fingers when his hand lifts.

“Spike.” He corrects from his stretched out position on the chaise, a little uselessly.

Darla laughs behind her fangs. She’s in the shadows somewhere, close to Angelus’ arm, just like a whore waiting for her turn. This house in Prague is full of darkness so dead it reminds him of a grave (like the one he had to crawl out of. Drusilla was a traditionalist, except it was Angelus waiting for him once he broke through the dirt, smoking a cigar and smirking – always picking up his daughter’s messes). There’s skeletons beneath the floorboards, heavy curtains that hide the light, a damp smell of rotting that causes Drusilla to cry of vermin and faded china doll lace.

After a few centuries, he still isn’t sure what to expect. Sometimes, Angelus will leave and Darla will stay, idly stroking her thighs as she watches. Or Angelus will take until everyone’s bones feel like they should be breaking, skin red and bruises already vanishing, the scrape of fingers and the push of flesh. Everything is so cold between them.

Still, Spike is a struggler, a fighter, and Drusilla should be his. His Princess, his terror to burden under. So he rises like he always does, playing a game with no ending. Drusilla speaks of tasting oceans and railroad tracks. She has nails that hurt and he groans beneath them, satisfied in his coreless center.

He knows he used to feel pity, but now that’s a rapid, fading memory. Drusilla, she complains about the bruises fading too quick, says they look so pretty on her wrists.


--


Love Revisited
By: Amerella

Once, he pressed his cheek to Buffy's breast. Something was beating inside of there as if it were angry-winged.

"What are you doing?" she whispered.

"I like you to be so alive," he said, without thought. Belatedly, sickly, he realized that he meant it.

"Don't be stupid," she told him, though they both knew that he was just that.

"What a pretty little slice of sunshine," he continued, tracing her ribcage, though he was more mocking than reverent by then. He couldn't categorize what he felt for her and her vitality. The raw force of it staggered him. "Sharp as a morning sky, you are."

She found something within herself then and rolled out from under him.

They fought over who got to be on top, over everything. That night they fought about nothing in particular: Sharp as a morning sky, he said, and she struck out at him. She was that.

Being with her, he recalled the confusion that fathers wrought. Those cold, still hands. He wanted that for her less and less. For the first time he felt the weight of his own immortality.

And oh, how he loathed her, the stupid bitch. She'd put him at odds with himself. She'd died twice and she wouldn't stay in the ground. Well, that was all right, though. He knew how to remedy such a situation, you better believe it, mate.

It never quite happened that way, of course. There was only- something. He came to lose something.